My father often tells me I can’t trust my friends when it comes to their opinion on my writing. He says it’s because they either want me to feel good about myself or they don’t know what they’re talking about.
He holds this opinion because as a young man he was in a band. After playing a show, his sister tells him that he is the best guitar player she’s ever seen.
He played the bass.
I think his sentiment is correct, to a certain degree.
First, I don’t think a writer should depend solely on people that know them well for opinions on their work.
When it comes to family and friends there are two tiers of readers. The first are the people who you simply want a first impression from, like “This is beautiful,” or “It sounds cool but I didn’t understand at all.”
The second tier will most likely consist of one person (okay, maybe two). This person that’s in the family or friend category isn’t going to worry about hurting your feelings. They might not be trained in writing, but they’re interested enough in the craft that they can help you iron out a stanza or paragraph you’re having trouble on.
Just don’t fall into the trap of having the first tier read your writing and believing them when they say you’re the best writer ever.
While often it’s nigh on impossible to actually have another group, or just one person, outside of family and friends read your writing consistently, it’s essential to breaking out of your comfort zone.
The way I found this group is by taking a workshop hosted by a local literary society. After the workshop was over a few of us decided to continue meeting and created our own group.
(Though, I’m a cynic so I often don’t believe even strangers when they say they enjoyed my writing.)
The point is, don’t believe what everyone says about your work – especially if it’s only positive. Find the one friend you can really trust and then go meet some strangers.
Hellooo! Is this really me back blogging?! It’s been months since I’ve sincerely published anything other than a poem or quote. Well, I’ll just say – hopefully I am back. I’ve made a blogging schedule that is a lot less than what I was attempting (attempting because I never fully accomplished the schedules I made.) So, I’ll see ya about twice a week. One quote of the week and one normal post that has something to do with writing or books. (Or me.)
I’m writing my memoir and have ask some friends and family to be beta readers. But you’re very right, I still need at least one that will be honest with me.
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Yes! The feedback you trust has to be from a trusted source 😊
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I’m on the lookout 👀 for that person. 👀 📖
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Nice to have you back!
At some point, you will become a better reader of your work—it’s a wildly dissociative experience, but it will happen. We grow that second brain—in addition to our imaginative productive brain. And when both are at work, there is a graceful clarity and satisfaction that blossoms in us. It may take a while. Be patient, and find a trusted “other brain” besides your own for now.
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Thank you! I am patiently awaiting my “other brain.” 😊
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It’s so great that you’re back! And I agree with you. I love my mother, but I’ve learned not to take her view seriously on my writing, because she is always looking for the best in it.
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Haha! This is how I feel about my some of my family. I’m thankful they like it, but I can’t always take their opinion seriously. If I did I’d probably be a very arrogant writer 😂😂
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Two thoughts:
First, we tend not to trust the 50 voices that say it’s good, but do trust the one voice that says it’s bad. Often this is a symptom of imposter syndrome.
Second, an author (can’t recall who) once said, make sure your editor isn’t the person you sleep with (e.g. relationship harmony will always trump editing honesty).
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My sister said she started reading my writing, but had to stop because she saw too many grammatical errors. Lol
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And I thought I was good with my grammar!
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Oh no 😅 I’m pretty blind to my own grammatical errors, so people point it out all the time for me. I’ve gotten better about it though 😊
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I’d trust strangers opinions of they come in matches sets: 1/2 criticism, 1/2 accolades. (Or some mix thereof.) Every writer needs a spirit boost, and every critic must know that they should deliver a dollop with every critique
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Hmmm I agree
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I have had similar experiences. In fact, a friend once disliked a story so much I did not send it to a publisher because I allowed her opinion to influence me. i finally did, years later, and it was picked up immediately and enjoyed by several readers!
These days I trust only my own judgement. If I am not sure about my own story, then I show it someone.
Nandini Nayar
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