“So, what do you want?”

Fresh out of college and my first reaction to this question was, “Oh, yeah, I guess I should know that.” And I’m not going to hide from it–I really should know this. The thing is I know what I want. It just doesn’t mold to people’s expectation.

I want a porch with a view that is untouched by man, a chair that’s positioned in the shade, a coffee cup in my left hand and a book in my right. I want hours to contemplate and to write. I want to sit atop a mountain and see a vast existence.

I want a lot of things, but when people ask “what do you want?” they’re asking what job do you want. Although my first reaction to that is, “I don’t care as long as I’m happy,” it’s not  going to be a real answer.

I see my life as a road of question marks, but ones I’m happy to uncover. I know I love to write–if my career leads me to this full time, great, but if it doesn’t that’s okay because I’ll still continue in it even if I can’t live off doing it. I live my life with one main objective–to  live obediently to God (and Lord knows I screw up plenty of times). I try to remind myself “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6). I can’t say it’s an easy way to live, I’m always wondering if I’m making the wrong choice or using patience as an excuse.

So what I should really be asked is, “How will you get to what you want?” and for me, that’s unanswerable.

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